being a mom is life changing. when someone tells you that having a child will change your life, believe them.
at 19 years old, i wasn’t sure what i wanted to do with my future… i had no plan. i wasn’t going to school like i should’ve, i was just working ALL THE TIME. making money, hanging out with my friends, my boyfriend (husband now) and just living my life the way i wanted. at 20 years old; i was 10 months pregnant and my husband was in boot camp, at that moment i truly thought that life couldn’t get harder than this.
when i found out i was pregnant, i could honestly say the hardest thing for me was telling my dad. not even the fact that i had to say ‘good bye’ to my fun 20’s. let me tell y’all something; your life isn’t over when you have a baby, it might make ‘having fun’ more difficult but do not feel as if you can’t achieve what you planned on achieving before you got pregnant; it’s a lot harder, but it isn’t impossible.
she gave me purpose. anaís changed my life for the better, like i said i never had a plan, i was just going with the flow. when she came into my life; i finally felt like i had a purpose to do something, to make something outta myself. she’s the reason why i decided to go back to school and actually get through a whole semester without dropping out of all my classes. to also stop using the excuse of ‘i’ll go next semester,’ yes she is the also the reason why i stay up until 2am finishing my homework, but whenever i wanted to give up i always reminded myself that i am not doing this for myself anymore, i am doing it for my daughter.
she taught me how to be patient. if you met my dad and sisters you’d know that we truly don’t have patience when it comes to certain things. but when anaís came into my life; i learned that being a parent means that you have to be patient. if you do not have patience with your child; then no one will have a good day, i learned that if i am not patient with her then she can sense it and no one is going to be happy (trust me).
she made me more compassionate. i have always had a good heart (well i think) but there was always room for improvement. anaís taught me how to love; taught me how to forgive and to be kind. i want to be the best example for my daughter and hope that one day she will be just as compassionate as i am.
she helped me survive. when i hit my high school years, life wasn’t very easy for me. i dealt with a lot of things that i didn’t think i could ever move pass. i held onto so much hate and regret that made me feel like a horrible person every time someone tried to love or comfort me. i let my insecurities define who i was; and it only got worse. until anaís came into my life, i let it all go. i found a way to truly love myself and it is helping me be a better mom and a wife. i am not the same girl i was 5 years ago, i am better then that and i will keep on improving.
there is no such thing as a perfect mom. i can’t keep count of all the times where i’ve said to myself ‘my daughter deserves more than what i am doing’ but i always have to remind myself that i am doing what i can. i am only human, and i will make mistakes; but the most important thing to remember is that i am growing and i am learning.